I always scoffed when someone complains “This month has been bad for me” or “This year is so shitty!” No, I don’t believe time is correlated to your happiness or sadness, until it happened to me.
In my twenty-seven years, I never experienced a huge change that left me weak and vulnerable. Truth is, I hate feeling scared and not in control (I am a control freak). I think it’s wise to say we have no control of our external change, but what about internal change? Yes I have had an unexpected personal change.
It all begins a month ago when my sleeping got disturbed. I never experienced sleeping trouble and the experience, even though it sounds silly to many people, changed me. I was confronted to the other side of me. The one who worries, who got panic attack and who is anxious about every single damn thing. Since I am a control freak I got obsessed about sleep. I even went to a sleeping doctor and got helped. I was so absorbed in my fear that I lashed out at everyone around me and it continued for few weeks until I managed to give up on trying (and yes give up trying to sleep made me asleep). Continue reading “Personal Change”