For the longest time, I would never call myself intuitive because I thought it’s a common thing to have deja vu or know how things will played out exactly, or you know the little voice inside that will warn you of danger or bad situation? Yes, I thought experiencing these things are natural to everyone, until I realised they are not.
The thing is, I know deep down I look at things differently. For instance, I never think nor plan – I feel. Yes, it does sound weird but when I about to decide something I never take the logical path; I did something because it felt right at the moment. As I grow up, I met few people who made me question about this behaviour of mine. Some say “Oh you are intuitive, aren’t you?” while others would make me feel weird about these peculiarity. I must say, I never take intuition seriously because, well, I don’t understand the matter.
Growing up in a religious family made me an agnostic by the age of 17. I don’t buy the idea nor the teaching, and as life wasn’t good at the time, neither God nor religion could save me. However, as time goes by things changed and I was “saved”. Slowly, my agnostic heart melts away and I come to the term that there is a higher power who will always look out for me. As the realisation sink in, I started to believe in God again and religion doesn’t sound too systematic anymore. I didn’t follow any religious teaching or visit holy places to pray, but I feel more content and curious about the possibility of a higher power. By the time I was 25, I got more and more interested in the concept of Universe as being the higher power.
Why the universe? The idea to associate universe with God is not a difficult thing to do. God is the universe and universe is God. Some people look at the sky and say, “the sky is God’s creation” and to that I won’t object. Although my scientific consciousness will debate about the matter that sky is made up of light reflection and clouds are made up of droplets of water – I firmly believe the sky is part of higher power. And in time I begin to look at the universe as my safety blanket and settle for that.
Until this year, when a terrifying experience happened and forced me to rethink about the things I believed in. As I have written in this post, my sleeping problem got me so scared and paranoid for no reason at all. Now I could sleep normally, but the fear and anxiety I had still linger on and annoyed the hell out of me during waking hours. I asked myself, should I be scared about sleeping? shouldn’t I be more worried about more important things in life instead of this?
Little did I know that time heals everything. While I focus my energy and thoughts into this silly problem, my subconscious grew weary about the topic and one day I find myself not being able to process the worries any longer. Still, the bastard lingers on and I thought I have to live with it until a voice inside of me asked me to deal with it.
Now I am the type of person to deal with problems instantly. I never bottle up my feelings nor will I keep quiet when bad things happen. But, what can you do when the problem is within yourself? Do you have to wrestle with your inner demons to solve it? Technically yes we do need to face our problems so we can live for another day, or we could simply asked ourselves the question and find the answer.
A few months back, I read a beautiful quote that I learn by heart “Everyone should smile. Life really isn’t that serious. We make it hard. The sun rises. The sun sets. We just tend to complicate the process.” The quote is so simple yet it’s difficult to follow. Why do we complicate our life when we know it is simple? Are we wired in such a way that we couldn’t get a grip of our own thoughts? The answer I later found is neither; it’s all about higher realisation.
When I asked myself why the sleeping problem occurred, the only honest answer I could come up with is because it’s supposed to happen. Why does it suppose to happen? … to prepare me for something bigger and better. There it is, that’s my answer. When I realised that this is part of life process, I felt relieved. The problem is never about sleeping for me, it’s about embracing the fear that made me too tense to sleep. It’s also about clinging to your faith and know that something good will come out of the situation.
That night I didn’t only find my answer, but I also find the integral part that is missing in my life: Connection. The key to my problem is not to control how I feel because it is impossible, nor should I control what I think – I tried that and it doesn’t always work. No, my solution is to give in to my intuition. I know the bigger picture already – it’s all part of the process – then why should I withhold it? When I focus my feeling to feel the connection with the universe, I feel better and I feel I am not alone.
Our problems and worries are derived from our thoughts. We simply over think about every damn thing and it’s sickening and unhealthy. What I found relieving is to not think but to feel. Stay quiet for a minute and observe about the nature surrounding you. Don’t use your senses or thoughts to define them. Feel the air you breathe, the sunlight or the voice of insects around you – do you feel the silent among the traffic and the calming energy around us? When you do, you will also notice how nature never let anything disrupts their flow; they simply exist without complicating things. And if we are part of the nature why don’t we do the same and let the peace in?
My daily homework from now on is to practice to be alert to my surrounding. To listen and observe the nature and the universe’s signs. Yes, the signs are there for those who paid attention. Eventually you will connect the dots that led you here at this moment and realised that everything happen as it should be and will happen as it should be as well. We are all part of the universe and if we don’t practice to connect with her, we will get lost in our own illusions.