Love affair or a fling?

How is this for irony? After my heartfelt (and a tad dramatic) last post where I wrote about my first break up, life has become more… eventful?

If you guessed this has something to do with me installing a dating app then you guessed right. However, if you think this new post is going to be about my random, yet often times hilarious, dating experience then you are wrong. (Don’t worry I am planning to dedicate the upcoming posts on that topic)

After my online relationship came to an end last February, I gave myself a month period to wallow in sadness before I embrace the new chapter in my love life that involves a series of funny and romantic dating scenarios. But for now let me tell you about the time I thought I have found love, again.

It was in May when I had to travel to another island for a work trip. We first met in the airport when we shook hands and talked for a while. He wore a long-sleeve plaid shirt with shorts and sneakers, which is a bit hipster for my taste. He is shorter than me but sports his beard better. Straight hair that comes in jet black colour and matched with sun-kissed skin, I was hooked.

The trip lasted for three nights. After two days of getting to know each other, I texted him on the first night, he invited me over to his room after dinner. After casual chatting I led our midnight conversation into topic of sexual preferences. I told him I am gay and so did he. I asked him whether he is single and he answered no. Knowing I had no future I withheld myself and stayed as friends.

Until we both landed back in the city and continued our text messages. I got to know him and his relationship a little bit more. It was rocky and boring in my opinion. Taking this as a sign I told him I have crush on him and he said that the feelings were mutual. We met up several times more after work, sometime even two nights in a row. We flirted while we eat, we held each other’s hands in the car and we even sneaked light kisses when no one is around.

What we did next was a mistake. We took things way too fast without considering how this will end. Under a month we have met up frequently, kissed, and even stayed in together for two nights (I feel obligated to write that we didn’t have sex, out of respect). Our feelings grew and we professed our loves for each other. I remember that night. His head on my chest, I stroked his beautiful hair and kissed his soft lips, I wanted to freeze that moment forever.

After a week he moved out from His house and stayed in his own. He said he will break up with him and I cheered. But after a few days when he said the boyfriend refused to break with him, I didn’t back down nor I paused to react. Instead I given him an ultimatum. “It’s either him or me, you decide,” I said after what will now be regarded as our last dinner.

On my birthday he told me that he has decided to be with him. He said he loves me and I make him happy, but there is an “unknown” reason on why we can’t be together. As I turned 28 years old on that day, I knew I should have known better. I said my goodbye and told him to remember me as the one that got away.

However, last week we had to meet up as our friend in common (we made a new friend on that trip and she has no idea we hooked up) wanted to give me my belated birthday gift. After 2 weeks of not seeing his face I thought I would crumble, but I didn’t. We talked, exchanged few awkward glances and moved on. Neither of us have contacted each other since and maybe we never will.

Except that our common friend’s birthday is next week and ideally we have to plan on what gift to get her. Will I contact him first? I sure hope not.


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